**Updated, included a painting in Chapter I**
To help the ease of reading this ridiculously long post with too much TMI (just warning you) I have made "chapters" so that if you want to come back to reading th post you can reference the chapter you are in and return to the same spot. I'm not quite saavy enough to make in post markers/links, but the chapters are concise, I think.
Chapter I: Arrival
Tod and I met our Doula, Stephanie at the hospital at 6:30am Tuesday morning.
After checking in we headed straight to our room, 3609, which was nice because that means we got to skip triage! We didn't really need to go there anyways since it was an induction, not to mention I was there the night previous.
All the nurses were telling me I was the prettiest girl in labour on the floor, cause they really liked the blue dress I chose to wear. I got it months ago on clearance at JCPenny because I wanted to be comfortable and gratefully at this hospital they let me wear what I wanted.
We met our first nurse and she was very kind. We also chose to allow some student accompany our nurse so they could learn the ropes of their future profession. The students were all really nice as well. I shared our birth "preferences" with all of them and explained that this experience of bringing our child into the world is a highly spiritual experience for us, and we wanted to invite these women to join with us in this experience. I tried to make the birth plan/preferences to be about people joining together for the best outcome instead of a directive to meet and accomplish. I knew that our plan was flexible because of the mystery which surrounds birth--no one can predict what will happen--but we can prepare and seek God's blessings and watchful care and act with faith.
One of the students noticed a painting I brought and displayed and inquired about it. I had a dream back in February about giving birth to my baby girl and it was in Christus St. Francis hospital. It was a very detailed dream, it was the moments before delivery, the delivery, and my daughter being passed to my hands. For me this dream was a little like dreaming about driving a car before learning how to drive. In those dreams the car seemed to drive itself even though I was in the drivers seat so that "unknown experience" was similar in this dream, I experienced cramps in the dream but the passage of her birth seemed to happen on its own without a physical feeling I experienced in dream--I had no prior knowledge of that kind of being. In the dream the moment my daughter was passed into my hands was beautiful and exquisite. That's the end of my dream so that's what I painted. I shared that story with the nurses, I cried a little as I did so, and they were visibly touched and they each expressed their wonder and appreciation in their own way.
Chapter II: Induction
At 7:45 am the family doctor I had been seeing for my prenatal care arrived to break my water to get labour going. I requested that we try as many natural methods as we could to start with because I wanted my body to do as much as it could before getting hit with the artificial drugs (I had an impression that pitocin would be a part of my life). Additionally I greatly trust my body's ability to give birth because that's what it was designed to do and I had no reason to believe that my body couldn't open enough to accommodate the little body which was meant to come out. Breaking the waters did get my contractions going again, after 3 days of starting and stopping (the previous "starts" were very regular in their intervals, about 4 min apart every time), so we were on our way to labour land! (that's what our midwife and birth class teacher called it.) Gratefully there was no meconium so that was one less thing for the medical team to worry about.
Chapter III: The Hours
Since we had our doula Stefanie, Tod was able to go home to walk and feed our dogs around 8:30 am (we discussed this plan before hand, and felt it would work for us, which it did!). At this point things were still quite manageable, walking talking, snacking. On the way back to the hospital Tod stopped at Who's Doughnut shop (that we recently discovered in town) that has delicious gourmet chocolate and gourmet donuts. I had a raspberry something. It was great. Tod of course got one for himself and one for Stefanie, and some doughnut holes too, some of the donut holes were blue corn and some were double decker (chocolate and vanilla). They were all yummy.
During the morning all three of us spent time walking around the one hallway that the labour and delivery floor has. There was some nice artwork on the walls and a window with a sort of view at the south end of the hallway. I spent time in the morning talking with the hospital nurses, going on and off the monitors, and going to the bathroom. There was only me and one other girl labouring at the time so the nurse that was assigned to me was sent home, but she said she'd match us up with another set of nurses who would take care good of us and support us to go as naturally as possible in the hospital. The new nurses were nice, younger, and helpful, but I did like the first nurse a little better.
As the rushes (contractions) got more intense I started to use my coping mechanisms more such as moving around as much as possible and began to hum in a deep tone through each rush. I read (in one of the many books I read about pregnancy, labour, and delivery, that the cells in the throat and the cells in the cervix are formed from the same group of cells that split and separate in the zygote stage so keeping the throat muscles relaxed can help the cervix to relax/open up as well. So humming was my way to keep my throat open and make a calming sound.
We listened to music, until the random playlist got to a remixed version of a Sarah McLachlan song which I didn't like so much at the time so we turned off the tunes. Nothing else was put on from there on out because honestly I forgot about the music. When Stefanie asked me later (when I was in really active labour) I didn't know what I wanted to listen to because making thoughtful choices hard since there were more pressing things that required all my attention. I think it would have been nice to listen to more music, and I gave my hubby and doula feed back for next time to go ahead and be more directive and put something on they think would help. The best thing that can happen is that it would work, and if it doesn't work keep trying till you find a solution. Something to try in the future. :)
Also around 2:30pm I acknowledged my hunger so I asked Tod to remind me what we brought so I could pick something to eat, however, at that same moment the nurses came in to tell me that my doctor has ordered that I be placed on the monitors continuously and not permitted to eat or drink anything to my great disappointment (side note in other settings such as prison, or a residential treatment centre, or even in the care of animals, with holding food is considered abuse) but they place it in a context of "if i happen to go to c-section and throw up and aspirate the food". Although not too much later (probably 45-60 minutes) I reached active labour and wasn't interested in food anymore, which was good because my body went into work mode but it was too bad because that would have been my last chance to fuel myself up before active labour. A tip for the future, eat at regular intervals and don't take time to think about it and don't put it off. The only real meal I had that day was my breakfast shake.
Chapter IV: Hooked up.
So I was hooked up at 3:00pm continuously to the monitors, unplugging only for bathroom trips. I also was continuously hooked up to a drip of fluids because I wasn't allowed to put anything in my stomach. I had a heplock in my hand already because I was group b strep positive and received antibiotics periodically to try to prevent my little one from having the group b strep transmitted to her during delivery.
The unique thing is that research indicates that the antibiotics reduce the amount of transmission of group b strep but it doesn't significantly reduce the amount of infant deaths that occur. So fewer babies get sick, which is good, but there still exists the small percentage of babies who die from it regardless of treatment. If you'd like the article references I have them.
I think it was in the 4:00pm hour that I asked Tod for a blessing. It gave me great comfort and I could feel things change in the atmosphere. I invited our doula to stay for the blessing and at the end of the blessing she commented how beautiful it was.
The nurses came in just after Tod finished the blessing and said they were going to pull out all the stops so we tried a few different methods to try to pick up my labour including the breast pump, some alone time with Tod (natural oxytocin), and finally oxygen. Since I was hooked up to the monitors they wanted me to stay in bed, so I stayed in bed sitting up for a while, and labour didn't improve or move along a great deal. The nurses tried to have me lay down on my side which made things less bearable. The labour rushes (pain) weren't any more intense but they were certainly less bearable in bed. I would hold onto the guard rail and try to hum & rock myself through the rushes, since I tried to use as much movement in the space I was in. Moving helped me through it the most. The nursing staff were having trouble measuring my contractions so I was given a clicker to mark the contractions cause the monitor sucked at picking them up. Eventually an internal pressure monitor was placed which was supposed to be better at measuring contractions. Having that placed was one of the more uncomfortable moments because it was during a contraction.
After trying several other things they decided to put me on oxygen. While having a face mask wasn't great I did feel like the oxygen helped me so i used it for the rest of labour. Santa Fe is at 7000 ft elevation.
Chapter V: Meria comes to visit.
Since Stefanie is a student Doula her mentor Meria came by to see how things were going. when she popped her head in the room she didn't recognize us cause i had a big face mask in the late afternoon and Meria spent several hours with me during labour which was really nice. In the meetings and discussions we had together I felt I could really trust her to help me in labour, and I felt the same about Stefanie, which was great because I had lost trust in my doctor because of the fear based place she had been acting from in the week previous to my labour starting and stopping and being induced.
Shortly after Meria arrived the doctor came by again to check in on my progress. The Doctor was introduced to Meria and i could tell that Meria felt tense around her, likely because I had phoned her balling after one of my appointments the previous week in attempt to find support because the doctor had displayed unsafe and unsupportive and aggressive behaviour, which sucked to find out post week 40.
Chapter VI: A Whiff of Pit and the Pape's.
Even though I had the drip going (the post that holds the fluid bags got a nickname, it became George) I was still thirsty. I asked my doctor if I could at least drink some water, to which she looked in my eyes in a bartering way, as I looked back in a pleading way, and she said I could have ice chips. I was glad cause the hospital had the awesome "pebble" like ice it's little balls and easy to chew. Meria was took over the job of giving me ice chips & she had a hay day, she would give me huge handfuls, instead of just a few as if they were rationed. this was great for satisfying thirst and giving my mouth the feeling like it was eating.
At 6:00 pm they started the artificial oxytocin. The night previous the triage nurse, after hearing how labour stated and stopped for me, said maybe all I needed was a "whiff of pit" (a little pitocin) to help things along.
Sometime after that, and sometime before the 7:00pm shift change the nurses brought in c-section papers for me to sign. They said that they hoped it would "jinx" things, there is a superstition on the floor that if the papers are signed before it gets to the point of the doctor ordering the c-section then a c-section won't be needed. It was nice they put it that way, in a positive light, because it did help me feel safer, instead of the nursing staff coming from a place of fear and badgering me to sign them. I had the impression that the c-section was not going to be a part of my life, so I signed the papers, having faith in the blessing given to me earlier and trusting that the Lord would continue to care for me and my child.
Chapter VII: Nurse Lucy.
It was closing in on shift change again and we were blessed to get a nurse named Lucy who was very much an advocate for us and very willing to help us achieve a vaginal birth. She wore a black and yellow scrub top, which I liked and I told her so.
With our new nurses' cooperation and support we started trying different positions to labour in, since in bed wasn't helping. We tried hands and knees on the bed with the back of the bed raised so I was holding the back rail. That got things going pretty well, but I was having a hard time on my knees during rushes. The strength would be sapped from my legs. So we pulled out the exercise ball placed it on the bed and tried leaning over the ball standing next to the bed. Tod stood across from me and held my hand and he whispered in my ear that reminded him of when we were married in the salt lake temple kneeling across from each other holding hands over the alter. That was a sweet memory to recall at the time. Standing was getting hard because my legs were sapped of strength when a rush would come on. We tried the bear hug hold and it was very nice to be held, however, my legs still checked out and they wanted to curl up through rushes so I hung from Tod's shoulders a couple times, then decided to switch because things were getting stronger and more intense and I didn't want to break my husband.
Meria commented what a beautiful dance we had going as Tod & I swayed back and forth. It was beautiful for that time I could stand and it was beautiful for the time that I could lean on Tod for as much support as I needed.
It was shortly after that I expressed to Stefanie and Tod that I was struggling, the pitocin I think was getting to be too much. The rushes were progressively getting stronger and seemed to have an edge that was difficult to deal with. Looking back now I feel that my body was saying that I needed to find the right position, that what I was trying was still in the refining process of labour and I still needed to find the right position to labour in.
I asked nurse Lucy if there was anything that could take the edge off, she skeptically told me that there was 'x' drug (i don't remember what it was), i asked how long it would last and she informed me it would last 20 minutes. to me that wasn't worth it. i could hear the nay sayers in my head " it's ok if you can't handle it, don't try to be tough, it's ok if you need an epidural". I didn't want an epidural cause I knew that would slow down my labour. I was tempted to have a lesser drug though because I hoped for relief and I could not remember the reasons why i decided against them in the first place. I realized though that 20 minutes wasn't rest or relief, it would complicate things further, so I didn't take the drugs.
Chapter VIII: The Exercise Ball
I tried the ball on the bed again and Tod took a break to go home and care for the Dogs. He worried some about leaving me at this point since he knew that the c-section hung over my head but he had the same impression that I did, that this labour wasn't going that way. While he was away Stefanie aked me about my relationship with Tod and about our wedding and what it was like and what the officiant said and we had an enjoyable conversation about my wedding day. That was a great thing to talk about at the time because I have such strong feelings for Tod that I could feel my body kicking out it's own oxytocin from recalling that day.
I chose to switch again to sitting on the excersise ball with Stefanie sitting in a chair in front of me as I leaned on her knees for support. This was the best position of them all and I stayed sitting on the ball for the duration of labour. I was nervous at first to try to sit on the ball because of the internal monitor, but I discovered that there was no discomfort at all. I'm glad that we found that sitting and rocking on the ball worked wonders. My I.V. catheder was place din my hand and as I leaned onto Stefanie's knees it would kink and stop the flow of fluids and would subsequently cause the mahcine to beep super loudly and obnoxiously so the nurse would come into the room (if she wasn't already) to check the beep alarm and reset the flow on the machine. After a few rounds of that (and after I cursed at the machine) Stefanie asked the nurse if she could reset the machine and the nurse showed her what to do it gave the same message it was giving, but to call if the machine showed a different error code on the beeping box. That worked well from there on out. Another thing that was great about stefanie is that every time I'd look into her eyes before Tod returned from taking care of the dogs is that i'd see lots of support and love which helpe dme to feel safe and allowed me to fully welcome and be present in each rush as we'd ride through each one.
I continued to hum through each rush and when Tod returned I gripped Tod's thighs as he sat in front of me while Stefanie rubbed my back and helped my shoulders relax since I would tense them up during each rush. She would also remind me to send all that energy downward. Meria could see that things were progressing really well and told me that this was exactly what I wanted. I listened to her but in my mind i asked "are you sure?". I believed her though because she was a midwife now mentoring and training doulas so I trusted her knowledge of normal birth. Another thing that helped me was that meria reminded me in the film "A Birth Story" about Ina May Gaskin of one woman who expressed that she wanted to open (to let the baby through) and her cervix dilated from about a 3 to a 7 from that simple expression. So for a while I "hummed" the word open like it was a meditation or a mantra instead of simple humming. We also talked about the skies in Montana and southern Alberta, how large and expansive they are to bring on visualization techniques to help me open as wide as the sky in "big sky country". Tod and Stefanie would continue to help me ride each contraction and coach me through as each one would come, as it would peak, and begin to recede. Tod would reference the machine to read my rushes while Stefanie referenced my body language, which she was really good at.
Every time I needed to go to the bathroom I felt like I had a whole crew coming with me of electronic equipment. I'd get unhooked from the monitor, but had to hang the cables from my neck, I took "george" the medical pole with me, Tod would be at the ready outside the door to help me. I did sneak some water while I went to the bathroom when I had more time between contractions. I figured I was eating ice chips like water, might as well get the liquid stuff too! It was nice to have a little bit of space alone even for a moment, but was able to call on Tod in case I had a contraction while I was coming back or later on to come into the bathroom when I would ask since the rushes were coming so close together. I am so grateful that I had my own bathroom in the labour room.
Gratitude doesn't even begin to cover what I feel for Lucy our evening nurse. I believe she was downplaying the thing the monitor said in her communications to my doc and she spent lots of time in the room instead of watching the monitor from the nurses station. Lucy worked with us and respected our space and let me move around even more which was great. She would also coach Tod some in ways to help me feel better, she turned a blind eye to my doulas giving me cupfulls of ice instead of little chips here and there. At one point she had returned from checking in on another patient and i asked her how her night was going. She told me with a tearful look in her eye that one of the other labouring women had been sent to have a c-section. I could feel the sorrow she felt and see her heart sink at the idea of that woman having gone into the situation she went into. I know that she was one of the angels God sent to watch over us to help us through this birth.
Chapter IX: In 90 minutes my body was ready to push.
After a couple hours of sitting on the ball I began to feel like I had opened more so I asked to be checked. At that point I was a 4-5 cm. So no big rush yet. About 90-ish minutes later I was felt heaviness and felt like I wanted to push. I asked to be checked again and Lucy was so surprised because I had changed so quickly, her facial reaction was "where'd your cervix go?!", she then told us that I was a 9 and then went rushing out of the room to call my doctor to come for my delivery.
Stefanie got on the phone too to call Tod because he had gone home to put the dogs to bed. He was on his way back and it seemed that within minutes the doctor was there and asked if 'things had intensified' since she was called to which Lucy replied whole heartedly "yes!". Someone then got the squatting bar in place on the bed and I got back into bed and was checked again before I began pushing. I was at a 9 with an anterior lip. Then came the next uncomfortable part of labour: my doctor pushed the anterior lip out of the way. ugh. Seriously that was more uncomfortable than a contraction and more uncomfortable than pushing. With that lip out of the way I was declared "complete" and I began pushing my baby out.
It was a bit of a struggle to push at first because I was trying to figure out how to transition from humming my way through a rush to pushing my way though a rush which took a few rushes to figure out. The doctor was giving me some instructions which I don't remember at all but I do remember Lucy quickly following her up with "Adrianna, listen to me . . ." and told me to hold my breath as I pushed because releasing it was sapping my energy to push, so that's what I did. I listened to Lucy. After the first push or two trying that method the Dr asked me if that was as much as I could push and I said "No, I can push more" as I thought "lemme figure this out!" I then overheard her say that she may need the vacuum to help with delivery and I though to hell with you you're not going to touch my baby with that thing! I continued to push with each breath being held and within 30 minutes my baby was easily coming out. I would push a few times squatting and then I'd push a few time laying on my back, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was a little easier to push on my back at that point because my legs weren't having to support my body but I continued to switch back and forth every few contractions because I felt that I needed to. As i would switch positions I would catch a glimpse of the painting I made and that encouraged me to move forward with strength and determination because I had dreamed of this and the upcoming moment.
As my baby came further down I understood the feeling of needing to go #2 that women say they get just before the baby's head emerges. That feeling quickly changed to crowning and I felt stretching and a slight short burn as her head came out and then very specifically feeling my baby's shoulder followed by the other indiscernible lumps and bumps of her body.
Chapter X: My final payoff. Our baby.
Then all the fabulous endorphins and hormones kicked in, as they should, and I was so happy. I thought "this is the pay off I knew would be part of this moment!" It felt glorious to reach down for my baby, hold her in my hands and bring her onto my abdomen. Words will never be able to describe that ecstatic feeling of accomplishment and beautiful awe of the whole experience.
I kept exclaiming "my baby! my sweet baby girl, Miranda!" Lucy heard me utter her name and asked me to repeat it, "Miranda", since we were keeping it a secret until she was born so that was the first time Lucy heard it. I didn't even have to think about our baby's name as we had chosen this name months ago and when I laid eyes on her the first time I knew that it was her name.
Chapter XI: Snuggles.
Miranda then passed all her mecomium as she lay on my stomach as she changed from a water being to a land and air being. The nurses who were helping were nice enough to wipe off the meconium as Stefanie madly dashed around taking photos, of which I am grateful for because it's cool to see the photos now. The doctor wanted to give me an extra dose of pitocin to deliver the placenta (it helps it to deliver faster) to which I objected I had enough in the iv and i didn't want a shot since the iv was kaput by the end of the second phase. Gladly it didn't take long to deliver the placenta, 15 minutes of managed delivery (massaging the tummy to help it out), and then I got to spend some time with miranda and tod, nursing my baby and kissing my husband. It was a monumental experience and I was so pleased with the end result. Healthy baby, healthy mommy.
Once the bonding time and hustle and bustle of moving equipment was over and I had my first hour with my baby the nurses then measured and weighed Miranda, a whopping 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 19 3/4" long. 12 days "post date". As Meria often said in our meetings there needs to be a birth month instead of an expected birth day because Miranda really could have arrived anytime in March. It seemed though she wanted to be fashionably late and really wanted to be an Aries, like her Daddy.
Chapter XII: More 'tmi' and the others.
We decided to keep the placenta and bury it in the backyard. I planted mint over top of it because mint is a symbol of protection of illness, and a symbol of warm feelings. Mint can also symbolize fidelity, virtue, and precious moments. I feel that stands true of my experience.
p.s.The night Miranda was born ended up being a busy night. There were six women labouring, including me, I found that out because I asked before going to bed, and I cheered them on from my room saying "c'mon ladies--you can do it!".
I learned in the morning from Nurse Lucy that 2 of the women ended up having a c-section. I am glad that I wasn't a 3rd.
To help the ease of reading this ridiculously long post with too much TMI (just warning you) I have made "chapters" so that if you want to come back to reading th post you can reference the chapter you are in and return to the same spot. I'm not quite saavy enough to make in post markers/links, but the chapters are concise, I think.
Chapter I: Arrival
Tod and I met our Doula, Stephanie at the hospital at 6:30am Tuesday morning.
After checking in we headed straight to our room, 3609, which was nice because that means we got to skip triage! We didn't really need to go there anyways since it was an induction, not to mention I was there the night previous.
Still pregnant.
All the nurses were telling me I was the prettiest girl in labour on the floor, cause they really liked the blue dress I chose to wear. I got it months ago on clearance at JCPenny because I wanted to be comfortable and gratefully at this hospital they let me wear what I wanted.
We met our first nurse and she was very kind. We also chose to allow some student accompany our nurse so they could learn the ropes of their future profession. The students were all really nice as well. I shared our birth "preferences" with all of them and explained that this experience of bringing our child into the world is a highly spiritual experience for us, and we wanted to invite these women to join with us in this experience. I tried to make the birth plan/preferences to be about people joining together for the best outcome instead of a directive to meet and accomplish. I knew that our plan was flexible because of the mystery which surrounds birth--no one can predict what will happen--but we can prepare and seek God's blessings and watchful care and act with faith.
One of the students noticed a painting I brought and displayed and inquired about it. I had a dream back in February about giving birth to my baby girl and it was in Christus St. Francis hospital. It was a very detailed dream, it was the moments before delivery, the delivery, and my daughter being passed to my hands. For me this dream was a little like dreaming about driving a car before learning how to drive. In those dreams the car seemed to drive itself even though I was in the drivers seat so that "unknown experience" was similar in this dream, I experienced cramps in the dream but the passage of her birth seemed to happen on its own without a physical feeling I experienced in dream--I had no prior knowledge of that kind of being. In the dream the moment my daughter was passed into my hands was beautiful and exquisite. That's the end of my dream so that's what I painted. I shared that story with the nurses, I cried a little as I did so, and they were visibly touched and they each expressed their wonder and appreciation in their own way.
 |
| As I got to know my baby before she was born I sensed colours with her bright spirit: turquoise and bright orange. I felt painting her as an abstract being that I intuitively felt, opposed to a little baby, would more accurately depict her portrait. In my dream she was a little baby and looked all wet when she was given to me. |
Chapter II: Induction
Chapter III: The Hours
Since we had our doula Stefanie, Tod was able to go home to walk and feed our dogs around 8:30 am (we discussed this plan before hand, and felt it would work for us, which it did!). At this point things were still quite manageable, walking talking, snacking. On the way back to the hospital Tod stopped at Who's Doughnut shop (that we recently discovered in town) that has delicious gourmet chocolate and gourmet donuts. I had a raspberry something. It was great. Tod of course got one for himself and one for Stefanie, and some doughnut holes too, some of the donut holes were blue corn and some were double decker (chocolate and vanilla). They were all yummy.
During the morning all three of us spent time walking around the one hallway that the labour and delivery floor has. There was some nice artwork on the walls and a window with a sort of view at the south end of the hallway. I spent time in the morning talking with the hospital nurses, going on and off the monitors, and going to the bathroom. There was only me and one other girl labouring at the time so the nurse that was assigned to me was sent home, but she said she'd match us up with another set of nurses who would take care good of us and support us to go as naturally as possible in the hospital. The new nurses were nice, younger, and helpful, but I did like the first nurse a little better.
As the rushes (contractions) got more intense I started to use my coping mechanisms more such as moving around as much as possible and began to hum in a deep tone through each rush. I read (in one of the many books I read about pregnancy, labour, and delivery, that the cells in the throat and the cells in the cervix are formed from the same group of cells that split and separate in the zygote stage so keeping the throat muscles relaxed can help the cervix to relax/open up as well. So humming was my way to keep my throat open and make a calming sound.
We listened to music, until the random playlist got to a remixed version of a Sarah McLachlan song which I didn't like so much at the time so we turned off the tunes. Nothing else was put on from there on out because honestly I forgot about the music. When Stefanie asked me later (when I was in really active labour) I didn't know what I wanted to listen to because making thoughtful choices hard since there were more pressing things that required all my attention. I think it would have been nice to listen to more music, and I gave my hubby and doula feed back for next time to go ahead and be more directive and put something on they think would help. The best thing that can happen is that it would work, and if it doesn't work keep trying till you find a solution. Something to try in the future. :)
Also around 2:30pm I acknowledged my hunger so I asked Tod to remind me what we brought so I could pick something to eat, however, at that same moment the nurses came in to tell me that my doctor has ordered that I be placed on the monitors continuously and not permitted to eat or drink anything to my great disappointment (side note in other settings such as prison, or a residential treatment centre, or even in the care of animals, with holding food is considered abuse) but they place it in a context of "if i happen to go to c-section and throw up and aspirate the food". Although not too much later (probably 45-60 minutes) I reached active labour and wasn't interested in food anymore, which was good because my body went into work mode but it was too bad because that would have been my last chance to fuel myself up before active labour. A tip for the future, eat at regular intervals and don't take time to think about it and don't put it off. The only real meal I had that day was my breakfast shake.
Chapter IV: Hooked up.
So I was hooked up at 3:00pm continuously to the monitors, unplugging only for bathroom trips. I also was continuously hooked up to a drip of fluids because I wasn't allowed to put anything in my stomach. I had a heplock in my hand already because I was group b strep positive and received antibiotics periodically to try to prevent my little one from having the group b strep transmitted to her during delivery.
 |
| This is after birth, her little hand next to mine as she lay on my tummy for the "skin to skin" contact that is so good for mom and baby. |
The unique thing is that research indicates that the antibiotics reduce the amount of transmission of group b strep but it doesn't significantly reduce the amount of infant deaths that occur. So fewer babies get sick, which is good, but there still exists the small percentage of babies who die from it regardless of treatment. If you'd like the article references I have them.
I think it was in the 4:00pm hour that I asked Tod for a blessing. It gave me great comfort and I could feel things change in the atmosphere. I invited our doula to stay for the blessing and at the end of the blessing she commented how beautiful it was.
The nurses came in just after Tod finished the blessing and said they were going to pull out all the stops so we tried a few different methods to try to pick up my labour including the breast pump, some alone time with Tod (natural oxytocin), and finally oxygen. Since I was hooked up to the monitors they wanted me to stay in bed, so I stayed in bed sitting up for a while, and labour didn't improve or move along a great deal. The nurses tried to have me lay down on my side which made things less bearable. The labour rushes (pain) weren't any more intense but they were certainly less bearable in bed. I would hold onto the guard rail and try to hum & rock myself through the rushes, since I tried to use as much movement in the space I was in. Moving helped me through it the most. The nursing staff were having trouble measuring my contractions so I was given a clicker to mark the contractions cause the monitor sucked at picking them up. Eventually an internal pressure monitor was placed which was supposed to be better at measuring contractions. Having that placed was one of the more uncomfortable moments because it was during a contraction.
After trying several other things they decided to put me on oxygen. While having a face mask wasn't great I did feel like the oxygen helped me so i used it for the rest of labour. Santa Fe is at 7000 ft elevation.
Chapter V: Meria comes to visit.
Since Stefanie is a student Doula her mentor Meria came by to see how things were going. when she popped her head in the room she didn't recognize us cause i had a big face mask in the late afternoon and Meria spent several hours with me during labour which was really nice. In the meetings and discussions we had together I felt I could really trust her to help me in labour, and I felt the same about Stefanie, which was great because I had lost trust in my doctor because of the fear based place she had been acting from in the week previous to my labour starting and stopping and being induced.
Shortly after Meria arrived the doctor came by again to check in on my progress. The Doctor was introduced to Meria and i could tell that Meria felt tense around her, likely because I had phoned her balling after one of my appointments the previous week in attempt to find support because the doctor had displayed unsafe and unsupportive and aggressive behaviour, which sucked to find out post week 40.
Chapter VI: A Whiff of Pit and the Pape's.
Even though I had the drip going (the post that holds the fluid bags got a nickname, it became George) I was still thirsty. I asked my doctor if I could at least drink some water, to which she looked in my eyes in a bartering way, as I looked back in a pleading way, and she said I could have ice chips. I was glad cause the hospital had the awesome "pebble" like ice it's little balls and easy to chew. Meria was took over the job of giving me ice chips & she had a hay day, she would give me huge handfuls, instead of just a few as if they were rationed. this was great for satisfying thirst and giving my mouth the feeling like it was eating.
At 6:00 pm they started the artificial oxytocin. The night previous the triage nurse, after hearing how labour stated and stopped for me, said maybe all I needed was a "whiff of pit" (a little pitocin) to help things along.
Sometime after that, and sometime before the 7:00pm shift change the nurses brought in c-section papers for me to sign. They said that they hoped it would "jinx" things, there is a superstition on the floor that if the papers are signed before it gets to the point of the doctor ordering the c-section then a c-section won't be needed. It was nice they put it that way, in a positive light, because it did help me feel safer, instead of the nursing staff coming from a place of fear and badgering me to sign them. I had the impression that the c-section was not going to be a part of my life, so I signed the papers, having faith in the blessing given to me earlier and trusting that the Lord would continue to care for me and my child.
Chapter VII: Nurse Lucy.
It was closing in on shift change again and we were blessed to get a nurse named Lucy who was very much an advocate for us and very willing to help us achieve a vaginal birth. She wore a black and yellow scrub top, which I liked and I told her so.
 |
| Nurse Lucy |
With our new nurses' cooperation and support we started trying different positions to labour in, since in bed wasn't helping. We tried hands and knees on the bed with the back of the bed raised so I was holding the back rail. That got things going pretty well, but I was having a hard time on my knees during rushes. The strength would be sapped from my legs. So we pulled out the exercise ball placed it on the bed and tried leaning over the ball standing next to the bed. Tod stood across from me and held my hand and he whispered in my ear that reminded him of when we were married in the salt lake temple kneeling across from each other holding hands over the alter. That was a sweet memory to recall at the time. Standing was getting hard because my legs were sapped of strength when a rush would come on. We tried the bear hug hold and it was very nice to be held, however, my legs still checked out and they wanted to curl up through rushes so I hung from Tod's shoulders a couple times, then decided to switch because things were getting stronger and more intense and I didn't want to break my husband.
Meria commented what a beautiful dance we had going as Tod & I swayed back and forth. It was beautiful for that time I could stand and it was beautiful for the time that I could lean on Tod for as much support as I needed.
It was shortly after that I expressed to Stefanie and Tod that I was struggling, the pitocin I think was getting to be too much. The rushes were progressively getting stronger and seemed to have an edge that was difficult to deal with. Looking back now I feel that my body was saying that I needed to find the right position, that what I was trying was still in the refining process of labour and I still needed to find the right position to labour in.
I asked nurse Lucy if there was anything that could take the edge off, she skeptically told me that there was 'x' drug (i don't remember what it was), i asked how long it would last and she informed me it would last 20 minutes. to me that wasn't worth it. i could hear the nay sayers in my head " it's ok if you can't handle it, don't try to be tough, it's ok if you need an epidural". I didn't want an epidural cause I knew that would slow down my labour. I was tempted to have a lesser drug though because I hoped for relief and I could not remember the reasons why i decided against them in the first place. I realized though that 20 minutes wasn't rest or relief, it would complicate things further, so I didn't take the drugs.
Chapter VIII: The Exercise Ball
I tried the ball on the bed again and Tod took a break to go home and care for the Dogs. He worried some about leaving me at this point since he knew that the c-section hung over my head but he had the same impression that I did, that this labour wasn't going that way. While he was away Stefanie aked me about my relationship with Tod and about our wedding and what it was like and what the officiant said and we had an enjoyable conversation about my wedding day. That was a great thing to talk about at the time because I have such strong feelings for Tod that I could feel my body kicking out it's own oxytocin from recalling that day.
I chose to switch again to sitting on the excersise ball with Stefanie sitting in a chair in front of me as I leaned on her knees for support. This was the best position of them all and I stayed sitting on the ball for the duration of labour. I was nervous at first to try to sit on the ball because of the internal monitor, but I discovered that there was no discomfort at all. I'm glad that we found that sitting and rocking on the ball worked wonders. My I.V. catheder was place din my hand and as I leaned onto Stefanie's knees it would kink and stop the flow of fluids and would subsequently cause the mahcine to beep super loudly and obnoxiously so the nurse would come into the room (if she wasn't already) to check the beep alarm and reset the flow on the machine. After a few rounds of that (and after I cursed at the machine) Stefanie asked the nurse if she could reset the machine and the nurse showed her what to do it gave the same message it was giving, but to call if the machine showed a different error code on the beeping box. That worked well from there on out. Another thing that was great about stefanie is that every time I'd look into her eyes before Tod returned from taking care of the dogs is that i'd see lots of support and love which helpe dme to feel safe and allowed me to fully welcome and be present in each rush as we'd ride through each one.
I continued to hum through each rush and when Tod returned I gripped Tod's thighs as he sat in front of me while Stefanie rubbed my back and helped my shoulders relax since I would tense them up during each rush. She would also remind me to send all that energy downward. Meria could see that things were progressing really well and told me that this was exactly what I wanted. I listened to her but in my mind i asked "are you sure?". I believed her though because she was a midwife now mentoring and training doulas so I trusted her knowledge of normal birth. Another thing that helped me was that meria reminded me in the film "A Birth Story" about Ina May Gaskin of one woman who expressed that she wanted to open (to let the baby through) and her cervix dilated from about a 3 to a 7 from that simple expression. So for a while I "hummed" the word open like it was a meditation or a mantra instead of simple humming. We also talked about the skies in Montana and southern Alberta, how large and expansive they are to bring on visualization techniques to help me open as wide as the sky in "big sky country". Tod and Stefanie would continue to help me ride each contraction and coach me through as each one would come, as it would peak, and begin to recede. Tod would reference the machine to read my rushes while Stefanie referenced my body language, which she was really good at.
Every time I needed to go to the bathroom I felt like I had a whole crew coming with me of electronic equipment. I'd get unhooked from the monitor, but had to hang the cables from my neck, I took "george" the medical pole with me, Tod would be at the ready outside the door to help me. I did sneak some water while I went to the bathroom when I had more time between contractions. I figured I was eating ice chips like water, might as well get the liquid stuff too! It was nice to have a little bit of space alone even for a moment, but was able to call on Tod in case I had a contraction while I was coming back or later on to come into the bathroom when I would ask since the rushes were coming so close together. I am so grateful that I had my own bathroom in the labour room.
Gratitude doesn't even begin to cover what I feel for Lucy our evening nurse. I believe she was downplaying the thing the monitor said in her communications to my doc and she spent lots of time in the room instead of watching the monitor from the nurses station. Lucy worked with us and respected our space and let me move around even more which was great. She would also coach Tod some in ways to help me feel better, she turned a blind eye to my doulas giving me cupfulls of ice instead of little chips here and there. At one point she had returned from checking in on another patient and i asked her how her night was going. She told me with a tearful look in her eye that one of the other labouring women had been sent to have a c-section. I could feel the sorrow she felt and see her heart sink at the idea of that woman having gone into the situation she went into. I know that she was one of the angels God sent to watch over us to help us through this birth.
Chapter IX: In 90 minutes my body was ready to push.
After a couple hours of sitting on the ball I began to feel like I had opened more so I asked to be checked. At that point I was a 4-5 cm. So no big rush yet. About 90-ish minutes later I was felt heaviness and felt like I wanted to push. I asked to be checked again and Lucy was so surprised because I had changed so quickly, her facial reaction was "where'd your cervix go?!", she then told us that I was a 9 and then went rushing out of the room to call my doctor to come for my delivery.
Stefanie got on the phone too to call Tod because he had gone home to put the dogs to bed. He was on his way back and it seemed that within minutes the doctor was there and asked if 'things had intensified' since she was called to which Lucy replied whole heartedly "yes!". Someone then got the squatting bar in place on the bed and I got back into bed and was checked again before I began pushing. I was at a 9 with an anterior lip. Then came the next uncomfortable part of labour: my doctor pushed the anterior lip out of the way. ugh. Seriously that was more uncomfortable than a contraction and more uncomfortable than pushing. With that lip out of the way I was declared "complete" and I began pushing my baby out.
It was a bit of a struggle to push at first because I was trying to figure out how to transition from humming my way through a rush to pushing my way though a rush which took a few rushes to figure out. The doctor was giving me some instructions which I don't remember at all but I do remember Lucy quickly following her up with "Adrianna, listen to me . . ." and told me to hold my breath as I pushed because releasing it was sapping my energy to push, so that's what I did. I listened to Lucy. After the first push or two trying that method the Dr asked me if that was as much as I could push and I said "No, I can push more" as I thought "lemme figure this out!" I then overheard her say that she may need the vacuum to help with delivery and I though to hell with you you're not going to touch my baby with that thing! I continued to push with each breath being held and within 30 minutes my baby was easily coming out. I would push a few times squatting and then I'd push a few time laying on my back, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was a little easier to push on my back at that point because my legs weren't having to support my body but I continued to switch back and forth every few contractions because I felt that I needed to. As i would switch positions I would catch a glimpse of the painting I made and that encouraged me to move forward with strength and determination because I had dreamed of this and the upcoming moment.
As my baby came further down I understood the feeling of needing to go #2 that women say they get just before the baby's head emerges. That feeling quickly changed to crowning and I felt stretching and a slight short burn as her head came out and then very specifically feeling my baby's shoulder followed by the other indiscernible lumps and bumps of her body.
Chapter X: My final payoff. Our baby.
Then all the fabulous endorphins and hormones kicked in, as they should, and I was so happy. I thought "this is the pay off I knew would be part of this moment!" It felt glorious to reach down for my baby, hold her in my hands and bring her onto my abdomen. Words will never be able to describe that ecstatic feeling of accomplishment and beautiful awe of the whole experience.
I kept exclaiming "my baby! my sweet baby girl, Miranda!" Lucy heard me utter her name and asked me to repeat it, "Miranda", since we were keeping it a secret until she was born so that was the first time Lucy heard it. I didn't even have to think about our baby's name as we had chosen this name months ago and when I laid eyes on her the first time I knew that it was her name.
Chapter XI: Snuggles.
Miranda then passed all her mecomium as she lay on my stomach as she changed from a water being to a land and air being. The nurses who were helping were nice enough to wipe off the meconium as Stefanie madly dashed around taking photos, of which I am grateful for because it's cool to see the photos now. The doctor wanted to give me an extra dose of pitocin to deliver the placenta (it helps it to deliver faster) to which I objected I had enough in the iv and i didn't want a shot since the iv was kaput by the end of the second phase. Gladly it didn't take long to deliver the placenta, 15 minutes of managed delivery (massaging the tummy to help it out), and then I got to spend some time with miranda and tod, nursing my baby and kissing my husband. It was a monumental experience and I was so pleased with the end result. Healthy baby, healthy mommy.
 |
| Smiles all around. |
Once the bonding time and hustle and bustle of moving equipment was over and I had my first hour with my baby the nurses then measured and weighed Miranda, a whopping 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 19 3/4" long. 12 days "post date". As Meria often said in our meetings there needs to be a birth month instead of an expected birth day because Miranda really could have arrived anytime in March. It seemed though she wanted to be fashionably late and really wanted to be an Aries, like her Daddy.
Chapter XII: More 'tmi' and the others.
We decided to keep the placenta and bury it in the backyard. I planted mint over top of it because mint is a symbol of protection of illness, and a symbol of warm feelings. Mint can also symbolize fidelity, virtue, and precious moments. I feel that stands true of my experience.
 |
| Yes, Tod's shirt reads "Papasaurus". It also glows in the dark. |
p.s.The night Miranda was born ended up being a busy night. There were six women labouring, including me, I found that out because I asked before going to bed, and I cheered them on from my room saying "c'mon ladies--you can do it!".
I learned in the morning from Nurse Lucy that 2 of the women ended up having a c-section. I am glad that I wasn't a 3rd.
4 comments:
GOOD JOB! I love this story. This reminds me of my experience giving birth to my first. I'm so glad I was able to have a natural birth both times and I'm so happy for you. You are a warrior. What an accomplishment. Congratulations!!!!
yay. you blogged.
It's been a tmi kind of post, but what a heroic and blessed outcome, you know how worried we were!
Next time, use Dr. Christopher's prenatal formula for the 6 weeks prior to your due date. I used it each time. And - keep those doctors and their ruddy (bl--) machines away from you! The only time I had an machine was the last time and it screws everything up. And it was only a baby heart monitor, but it was bad enough. Modern doctors forget women have been doing this forever.
Post a Comment